Hello RoseX: Well... I'm an older person. And I know a thing or two about hiding & keeping everything inside. I've been doing it, literally, for decades. It's exhausting. I don't know what to tell you about this. Somehow you have to find someone (presumably a counselor or therapist) with whom you can, over time, talk through what you are feeling & experiencing.

You're correct, I believe... your friends & family cannot do this for you. Being here on PC, posting in the forums, reading & replying to other members' posts, & participating in chats (once you've had 5 posts reviewed & approved) may help too. But continuing to keep all of this buried is a prescription for ongoing sadness & despair. And, unfortunately, there aren't any secret remedies you haven't heard of. It's simply a matter of finding someone with whom you can share all of this & then figuring out what to do about it. At least that is my opinion.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.