I said something really similar to my fiance not too long ago (meaning just last week). I told him that I feel I bring him down and it's not fair to him. This is what he told me, "You're not bringing me down by letting me help lift you up." My therapist (who is trained and payed to listen to my problems) also had to remind me that I can talk to him. He made an analogy, "It's like getting a mattress up a flight of stairs. Sure, you could go it alone. You're probably going to lose your grip on it a few times and it'll fall back down the stairs. Maybe after enough time and tries, you'll get it up there yourself. Or, you could allow someone to help, just a little, help you carry that ****er up that flight." (Yes, my therapist cusses like a sailor because I do, too.)

I won't keep pressing this next option because I understand it when someone says, 'no'; but have you thought about going IP? Just to get out of daily life, be in a safe environment and possibly get some help/motivation to be able to keep going?