I don't see the problem - you're completely right about the necessity of being cruel and ruthless to succeed in life (I don't innately understand it or agree with it, so it must be true), and any account of abuse makes it clear that only weak people suffer. If anything, I wish I could be more like you, more closed off a, emotionless, and manipulative. I know if be a better, safer person that way; instead I'm compulsively vulnerable. So I actually admire and envy you for your strength.