I haven't suffered from this personally but was in a relationship with someone who had similar feelings and thoughts. It was hard on her because she had an idea of what she wanted and what she thought was normal (and what she thought was fair for me) and that put her in a perpetual cycle of feeling blame and guilt. All I could do was encourage her to not worry about me. To allow her self time to shake off the guilt on her terms and know that she was not to blame. The defiance of trust that created these thoughts and feelings were not anything she had control over and she no obligation to carry that burden. When she started to take deep breaths and acknowledge that she is loving, awesome person that deserves the love she puts out in the world she was able to relax a bit more. It helped that I was open about my sexual insecurities as well. Occasionally I would have a hard time performing if I was all up in my head about expectations or some random self induced stressor. It helped her, and hopefully you, know that you are not alone in this. When you have something in your head that is a total mood killer, it sucks. It doesn't seem fair and then the negative feelings about ourselves afterwards don't help. We found that if we free ourselves of that burden we had a better chance of being in the moment. When you can just take a breath and focus on the connection, it's a good start to be able to get past this. If one of us lost the connection, we allowed ourselves the choice to stop. When that did happen we usually found other ways to still play around and have fun as long as the visuals didn't come into play. If it was a complete dud, we just would try something like laying together and watching a movie. We hadn't thought of it initially, but realized that intimacy could happen without actual sex. So just allowing her the time to find her own answers and be okay with the fact she is a survivor made a huge difference. Her willingness to share helped me too since I probably would have kept my thoughts and insecurities to myself and just felt like crap about it, which wouldn't have helped or changed anything. All I can say is be as open as you are comfortable with and be okay with you. You didn't ask for this and you shouldn't have to carry the weight of it. Know that you are not alone and that others, like myself, care and want to see you happy. Life, relationships and intimacy is supposed to be fun. Know that your in control of your body and you can do what you want, when you want. Give yourself time to be okay with you. YOU DESERVE IT! Hope that helps