I gave in yesterday and today. I'm sorry. ****, I tried but I just couldn't get the thoughts to leave me alone. Honestly, this is the only thing that shuts them up for a while. It's also the only thing that makes the hallucinations stop. Damn it!

I've been able to hide it from my fiance but that's because I'm ashamed of it. I don't want him to worry about me anymore.

Why can't I just be okay?