I can't relate directly to that as I haven't been abused sexually, but "only" emotionally. But what you describe still sounds very understandable to me.

I find it really heartbreaking, that not only did you have to endure this as a child, but now as an adult it is still haunting you and denying you of a very "basic" aspect in life as you desribe it. You just don't deserve this, I feel sooo sorry for you.

It is a long shot, but EMDR sessions might be able to help you. Nobody know how it really works, but appearantly it is able to dissolve traumas, it somehow breaks the associations that were made in your brain when it happened.

It worked for me pretty well to resolve my own traumas (e.g. getting cornered by my father and getting yelled at like hell for extended periods)

Wishing the best for you !