Here I am again on another psych forum, needing to vent or at least have someone with an outside influence give some perspective to things.

My Partner and I have been together for over two years, met on-line fell deeply in love, swept away by the deep connection and feeling, moved to his country to live with him.

Three days after I arrived he started shouting, yelling screaming, I did not know who this person was that I had spent over a year talking with daily...

I think he has some kind of NPD but he is adamant that he doesn't, won't discuss or even acknowledge the idea, however he is obsessed with Personality Disorders and has diagnosed me with PTSD, BPD, NPD, APD and various other things, yet refuses to come with me to a therapist, blames me for his mood swings and agresion, bad health and attitude yet doesn't want me to eave the relationship, I am on a daily basis blamed for everything he does, says, how he feels, thinks, reacts and am supposed to take responsibility for his problems and behaviour as well as my own i.e if I become exasperated and angry with him and his negativity it's my fault, if he becomes angry with me, it's MY fault.

I conduct our relationship by walking on eggshells(he says he is the one walking on eggshells) but I gave up a longtime ago, saying how I feel, what i want, how I really think, it takes so little to set him off into an hour long rant, rave or lecture, when I try to reasonably discuss leaving or separating he starts getting aggressive and confrontational, telling me that I never really loved him, I have BPD, this is what BPD's do and all various other kinds of abuse, he constantly picks on my expressions, manerisms, things I say and/or do, even if I make an innocent comment it will be enough to send him into a rage..'what do you mean by that?' 'what are you saying?' then it' an hour or two or three of emotional stress and drama(that is supposedly caused by me)...for the first couple of years I have believed that it was me, that I was causing all this, making him unhappy, but lately things seem to have cleared up in my mind, I listen to and watch him, his actions and behaviours and it is as though everything he says to me about who and how I am is describing himself.

If I try to bring up the fact that he behaves abusively or aggressively he just rants that I'm a little victim, it's a BPD trait, that I whine too much, complain too much, I'm too negative, it is just constant projection and deflection...twisting everything around and projecting it onto me as the source..

There isn't one morning that he doesn't wake up mid morning/afternoon in a severe mood, shouting, being angry, about anything, whether or not I have cleaned up, this morning he was in a mood because when he woke up I didn't immediately make his coffee, then when I ask him 'what is wrong' he tells me 'shh, shut up, just shut the f&&k up, shut your mouth' the atmosphere is unbearable, I have some peace in the morning before he wakes but as soon as I hear him getting up my stomach lurches, I have no idea how I got to this point or feel so trapped in this relationship.

I have no family or friends here, no one to communicate with, he has told his friends and family, even his boss and random people he meets that I have BPD(diagnosed by him) I asked him not to do this and said it feels manipulative and abusive and he said I was abusing him by trying to alienate him from everyone. Yet I am the one here with no friends, no family and being told by him that 'everyone' feels uncomfortable around me and that I make people feel uneasy, am unlikeable, am fake, am disingenious and self absorbed. If I try and show him the irony of the things he is saying he cannot, absolutely cannot tolerate hearing it or even listen to me, he will shout over me or storm from the house.

Now I know that he is not the person I thought he was, that we probably do not have a future together but when I try to stomach the courage to leave I hear his voice in my head and how worthless, useless, pointless, lazy, stupid, retarded, idiotic that I am.

He is 'spiritual' and believes strongly that he as some superior insight into the meaning of life, yet in most ways doesn't show it at all, right now I am out of our apartment after he again woke up in a mood and rage, I put on my coat to leave and we started to argue, I told him that I am not going to tolerate being around his negativity and moodiness and having it taken out on me, he then said that it is because I have BPD and this what people with BPD do to their partners, they destroy them?? Yet, I am frantically trying to figure out how I am destroying him? If I question him, disagree with him or don't submit to him in all ways at all times he will go into a mood or rage and then tell me I have BPD and that it's all my fault, so logically I should leave right? But no - he says he loves me anyway and wants to 'help' me and that I have a better chance of recovery if I am with someone who loves me...

When he told and demanded that I recognise that I have BPD, I was open, willing and aware to consider that, to talk about it, to pursue growth in my attitude, emotions and awareness....why am I the devil in this relationship yet he is unwilling to examine or take any responsibility for his actions, words or behaviour no mater how heinous...is there ever a way to communicate with someone like this?

The other factor is I live with him in his country for two years now, if we separate I must leave this country which is now my home, he uses this as a constant threat over me, threatening to throw me out or demanding that I leave multiple times a week...

This morning he slammed the door in my face after he had blamed me again for his moodiness and behaviour I said but why is it always everyone else, why was it ExNo.1's fault when you behaved this way with her and ExNo.2 and ExNo.3 why is it always the fault of the person you're with that you feel bad, or angry or grumpy or sad and not your own attitude in life? Why do you pursue relationships with people you are adamant are problematic and mentally ill? (He has diagnosed his past four gf's with BPD also) he went into a rage started swearing and slammed and locked the door on me.

I do love and have love for him but I am so frustrated at not being able to get past this inability to communicate or his inability to see his hypocrisy, I'm open to any advice right now - even a hard lecture, I would truly like to see past the confusion of things.