I came to the board today because of family stress from a step parent and 'golden child' step sibling. It's the same for me. I can do no right no matter how hard I've tried. They do no wrong no matter what they do. I'm the scapegoat, chosen to take all the family's sins on my shoulders and sent off to the wilderness - until they want something. I'm 37 too, so this isn't a new issue.

I get it. It hurts - bad. It is confusing. It makes you question everything about yourself. Every action. Everything you've ever said, not said, done,, not done. And it never gets answered. At least not for me. It's just the way it is.

I just want to scream at them, "why can't you just accept me the way I am?" But I know that even if I did, they would never even acknowledge my words. It's like talking to a wall. They can't, or won't, comprehend.

Sometimes I think people must base their relationship on degrading others because they can't actually look at their own issues. They can't be objective or self-assess. They project project project. It's really quite sad that adults have to hurt others to feel good about themselves. A pathetic way to live life.

I've been trying to figure out what to do. Do I keep trying? Do I just give up and admit that their behavior is toxic, emotionally abusive, and that I need to let go of them? Exposure just leaves me suffering. I'm drowned in all those old feelings of guilt, anger, hurt, rejection... Sometimes for weeks after exposure to them. For years. It's horrible.

And I'm not that girl who tried so hard to please them anymore. I'm not desperate for their love, approval, and validation anymore because I know I'll never have it. I could sprout wings and a halo and they would call it frumpy or kitcshy.

I wish I knew what to do. I have no sage advice. I only know that I've struggled with self esteem, depression, and ostracism enough. I am no one's willing punching bag. So if they can't treat me with respect then I won't play their game. I won't shoot back at them, but I won't stand in the line of fire anymore either. I. Am. Done. Period. Now how to explain that so they don't make me lose my relationship with my father? I'm afraid it's an all or nothing deal.

Forgiveness is something I've worked on a lot too. It's hard and it's an ongoing process. But it may be the most valuable thing you can do for them, but mostly for yourself.