Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowsunshine
So,I take one medicine to sleep at night and a lot of times I mix it with alcohol when I go out.I know sleeping pills+alcohol is a potently harming but somehow it makes me feel proud for taking the risk(I struggle with suicidal ideation).I feel scared because of the proudness that I feel because I know deep down that this behaviour is not good.I don't know,could this be because I feel a lot of times suicidal but don't actually want to hurt anyone so I try to do it in a way it would seem acidental??
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These are messed up thoughts and emotions. If you have no other resources you can call a crisis hotline and honestly talk about what you are thinking, feeling and doing. I called crisis hotlines for almost a month. I am finally taking suicidal ideation off the table. Often this ideation is serving another purpose. It sounds like that might be the case with you. You might have other aspirations you are afraid of thinking about so you turn to this risky behavior. I think deep down you want to be good at something. But it is not risky behavior with drugs and alcohol. It will be okay. You can find your way onto a better path with authentic challenges. But you need to slow down. Consider calling a crisis hotline. It helps. I called a bunch of different ones. I have talked to some really great people. They can help you put coping skills in place. Best wishes.
