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simply leaping into repetitive cycles of abuse that replicated my childhood and being a little girl with no voice again that just ends up trying to appease her tormentor to feel some affection or love.
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I feel so much for you and for that little girl.
It sounds like she endured endlessly; so much.
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I'm afraid of the pain that I know comes after the loss, even if the relationship has been abusive, I'm afraid of the pain of loss....terrified, absolutely terrified of it, I feel like the next time I have to experience it I will possibly die of a weakened heart, that's the truth of how I feel sometimes inside.
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Realise that in going home, with what you have learned, you also have the chance to strive for gain, for health. You have the chance to transform the little girl's suffering into a life of purpose. She can triumph over the abuse she endured as a child and as an adult.
You can do it.
Summon your courage: you can do it. You can find your freedom and your path.