My hubby and I have those talks but only organically. As in, I can't force it. Either the mood strikes, or he just sits there and listens to me prattle on until I shut up. Awkward. Come to think of it, 'listen' might be too generous a term. But he definitely sits there. Bless that man's heart.

Intimacy is H.A.R.D. Have you ever had it with your DH? Once there, there is potential. Never there, then it might be much harder to achieve.

One thing I learned about my man early on is that he responds to logic, facts, concrete tangible subjects. Science. Directness. When I start discussing emotions, he gets that 1000 mile stare. It's just who he is. I figure it's the equivalent of me asking him to choose a shade of yellow for painting a room. To me, I see lemon, butter, sunshine, rich yellow, soothing, warm, green tints... He sees yellow. And then wonders what all the fuss is about. But he knows it is important to me, because I explain the stakes quickly. So he tries. Then ends up just going with whichever I want, just to placate me.

In other words, we think differently. We percieve our lives differently. Our purpose. What is important. Even if what he says makes no sense to me, I try and see it from his perspective and bam, you're communicating.

If you need something more, then be direct and assured. Tell him what you need. Then try to accept what he can give, even if it's not at all what you had in mind. If he is always wrong, then he'll stop trying. I'm not saying that's how you make him feel, but it's frighteningly easy to do. Example, I tell my DH that I need more physical contact in passing. A kiss here, his hand in mine there. Whatever. Then he sneaks in a kiss while I'm busy and I grouch at him. Why? because he didn't kiss me when I wanted him to? Talk about mixed messages. The poor guy can't win. And I'm not even realizing that I'm all push/pull with him. Does that make sense? When he needs me to be precise with telling him what I need, then our wires get all crossed. And we make the problem worse.

So could your DH be doing things to try and please you? Even if you're missing it? If he is, then recognize it, build him up, praise him and give him a cookie. - Sorry, couldn't help the joke. I just realized how much I sound like I'm trying to train a puppy. And that's terrible. - Unless he really likes cookies. Seriously, I'm not advocating treating anyone like a dog. Just a bit of levity. My husband is a lot nicer when I make him cookies though... okay, I'll stop.

My point is that sometimes we only look for what we want in others. We have these expectations for our spouses and when they can't reach them, we get frustrated and don't see the fact that they are trying. To me, if he even tries to talk about this stuff with you, that's a win. If not, maybe you can just tell him that's all you need. For him to try. If he's willing to try, it says a lot about how he feels.

Like your existential dilemma. You clearly saw things differently. But he talked to you, told you his thoughts. That's communication in its truest form.

I left my hometown for my hubby's too, and it does get lonely. We lean on each other a lot lot more for social outlets. That makes it tough. You're living with him in a vacuum. Do you have some activities you like to do? Something healthy? I 'found myself ' by expanding my interests till I found what I love to do. My husband joins me sometimes and I join him with his favorite activities once in a while too. Not so much to smother. Just enough to know what he's talking about when he gets exciting and starts using jargon. Enough to make good memories together and meet people too. Later, you realize that you got closer together without even trying. Intimacy just happens then. It doesn't need to be confrontational. It's about acceptance.