I agree - I hate being depressed all the time! That is what therapy and medications are supposed to cure - at least that is my hope. I want to feel like what I think a "normal" person feels like - glad to be alive instead of wishing I weren't. Is there someone you can talk to about all of this at your work (not mentioning the depression - just the hospitalizations, perhaps). I cannot imagine a company punishing you for being in the hospital! Please take care of yourself - we are all here for you - we have all been through these feelings, most of us are still there and can understand what you are saying. I have two types of people - those who are "us" and those who aren't. Those who aren't cannot imagine what we are going through - have been through - those who are "us" know and care and understand. Please take care of yourself.