I'm so glad you had a spark of hope--I think it's been a long time coming for you, but it did come. I know you're scared of losing it again.
And, Oh my dear, of course the boat's going to tip and leak. Boats do that, life does that. It's not your fault if storms come up and the waves get high. All we can do is bail out together and sail on.
If hope flees, row after it. We'll pull the oars with you