Moonsky29, I'm so sorry you're living through such a difficult time. There was a time not so long ago when I just wanted to have it all go away too, just to stop the pain. It did get better. Even though it's hard to see how right now, I believe you can get better too.
You aren't wasting your life--you're fighting one of the hardest battles a person can fight. But you don't have to fight it alone. Keep posting and people here will keep responding with support and encouragement. But please do reach out for help
In real life too. Find someone--friend, family member, doctor, teacher, minister, therapist--someone to talk to who can listen and help as well.
Sending you healing thoughts