My mom died suddenly a few weeks ago. It sent me into a major tailspin between the grief and depression. I went out of work on FMLA and short term disability. Last week my Dad, who I am the primary care taker of now due to his stroke, got diagnosed with end stage prostate cancer, given 4-8 months to survive. I can't see straight at this point.

I got a letter from the insurance company, I have to return to work February 7th when FMLA ends. Dad also wants to move out of state to be closer to the grandkids into assisted living, which I am all for whatever he wants to do but I cannot move with him, and will miss him. However I can visit if I have the time from work. It is that weekend of the 3rd -8th that we had planned to move him, the apartment is not available until then. I could be back in time to return to work if I need to to but am I really functioning is the question.

I know I will be of no use to them at work by that date and at that point due to how distracted I am, between not sleeping, the racing thoughts and emotions, and utter fatigue. Things are a bit overwhelming right now.

My dilemma is that my brother can make all the rest of the arrangements if necessary. If had to go back to work, I could go back, useless but could be physically present. Some are saying it would be a good distraction but I cannot afford to be distracted in my line of work. Also I have no PTO time to take off though as he get worse to go and see him and and they won't let me off without it.

I could continue on short term disability/long term disability and get SSDI reinstated, which after working so hard to get off of it, I never thought I would need it again but take the time to heal and to spend with him. I had really good performance reviews before having to leave; perhaps when I was ready to come back and if there were job openings that they might consider me or at least would not be given a bad reference. I have hated to leave them in a lurch but my folks are my best friends and mean more than anything to me, yet income and benefits are important and my reason for hesitating.

Everyone keeps telling me not to make major decisions while grieving and it seems like that is all I have to make since she died. I am so tired. I think I would regret not having the time with him though.

Thanks for listening and any thoughts are welcomed.