I am all worked up and I feel more depressed than I've ever been. No one cares, not really. They will say they care, maybe talk to me for a while, or a day or two, then they'll stop talking to me because they are wrapped up in their own problems.

I try and reach out, get out there and date, but time and time again I get rejected. I feel like an undesirable piece of shyte now. I just want intimacy, not just sex (I want that too), but intimacy. I'm starved for it like no one ever has been starved by it before. I'm dying from lack of intimacy. No one cares enough to give me a chance.

My own mother doesn't even care about me anymore. She refuses to help me seek therapy. So that's off the table. She goes off and does her own thing and says I'm too much of a burden to be allowed to do things with her. I can't do things on my own because I feel I'm asking too much of my family to drive me everywhere. I can't afford cabs all the time. I'm stuck. Don't ask why I can't drive. It's not important.

My brother is a raging alcoholic and my mother enables him. My dad is a workaholic though my Mom says he just has "good strong work ethic" and doesn't like to sit around doing nothing for too long. He's either off doing one of three jobs or sleeping on the couch because those three jobs tire him out. Either way he's never around to see how my mom enables my brother and how my brother is a raging alcoholic.

I'm more scared than ever before with the dismantling of the only healthcare system that ever worked for me. I'm probably going to have no coverage and have to stop taking my meds because there's no way to afford them without it. My life is inevitably screwed. Even my state has little to offer me in the way of healthcare options and services. No help is to be found. I tried. Believe me I tried.

I'm slowly going more and more insane and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm just going to crawl under my blankets and cry miserably now. Maybe.....I'll never wake up. But I always do. God...life sucks.