I started have fantasies when I started thinking about them.. I think I was 'playing' with my thoughts: I've always did it even before puberty, I thought about different levels of consciousness and things related. When I talked about that with my parents they were just like 'meh' or 'yeah that's how our mind works' so I kept playing in a sense.. even during masturbation. When I did it it's like I felt a danger but I thought nothing bad could have happened to me, I remember this. So I kept doing it and it evolved to something I don't like..