my life feels like it is in shambles when I have so much to be grateful for.

And certain triggers over the past 3 years and so many losses make it almost impossible for me to stay sober. At least it feels that way at times.

I try to remember I had 8 years sober and I CAN get thru a lot..but too many life changes have occurred at once and when you are at a point where living is difficult and you don't care if you pass on....drinking eases some of that pain...but causes more pain as anyone knows that drinks...its a vicious cycle.

My cycle has been lately to stay sober about a month and then everything is too heavy on me...I think I will drink for 1 day only and then I go on these long binges. Luckily, for me I haven't been in the hospital for drinking for about 6 months because I am managing to keep my binges to no more than 5 days...but even past 1 day of drinking is dangerous for me and I know that.

Today is a new day with some things to look forward to...drinking is not an issue...today...it is other people, places and things.