Update:

2 Weeks in, class is going well. It has been 3 years since Ive been in a classroom, amd 10 years since I have had this particular material (chemistry) but all of it is coming back so easily. This is just the first step in a very long road so I need to guard against being overconfident, but it feels really good to be doing this again.

My ideation is at the lowest it's been, probably in the last year but there are days its still very very bad. I've been dealing with an unrequitted love for about 7 months now. When I first started spending time with this person, she reminded me what being happy felt like, and for a short period I was free of depression completely. I grew attached to that. I'm not even certain at this point if I even like her, or if it was just not being depressed I fell in love with. The two of us are friends, we both hurt each other pretty badly, and are both aware we hurt each other so even as friends it's been pretty awkward. She has gotten close to some of my friends and I've gotten really envious of it. I guess the moral of this story is emotions suck. I'm not going to heal until the two of us can trust each other again.

My problems are insignificant compared to most people on here, bit Ive appreciated somewhere to just type out thoughts without worrying about damaging friendships over it.