Maybe you're just afraid of losing hope because you have been hopeless so long. Sometimes the pendulum just swings the other way in life. Since you have been in utter despair for the longest time, as you return to equilibrium, just being stable is going to feel great. And happy is the best when you have been recently depressed. It's why it is so worth it to hang on. So keep on hanging on--you are worth it and you have great potential!!!