I am so mixed up now. I went to my old Job site and was talking to a Ex coworker ( another security guard) we were walking around he starts telling me about all of these rumors going on about me at the site. I pushed them out of my head. went into the security office talked to my old Boss then with a straight face ( sort of jokenly) I said to him well since I am not fired I can have my Uniform back. and he gives it to me. which surprised the crap out of me because of all the false rumors going on. and to make matters even more mixed up is that every one that I walked past like Customer service people and other house keeping staff . all waved me over told me they missed me there and that the place isn't the =same and since I have been gone they have had allot more problems with Drug users and street people and fighting. I usually handled all of that before it got out of hand by usually joking with people and or making them aware that what they are doing is on Camera and t hat to other people it scares them. I still am not sleeping properly I slept an hr last night the night before I slept maybe 2 hrs. received a call from the mental health that the next availability is in 22 Feb which is a long way to go . I am really realizing how Lonely I am with out my work. it was pretty much everything to me even though I never really talked to anyone while paroling I could feel the energy of the people around me and the smiles and waves as I walked past. I don't have any friends anymore my past l;ife was to say it in easy words evil and I was fortunate enough able to get out of that life with out any real problems. OK I am babbling on here SO I am thinking I should stop