Quote:
Originally Posted by harmfulleh
What kind of message was that? Talk with a doctor about your feelings about your friend, how you felt when you received that message and why your friend got awol.. your imagination create different worlds but the reality is just one! One reality is even easier to manage
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It was like most disturbing hallucination I had (well, I haven't really had one, just some auras around my hands)! I think it may be hallucination, since I don't receive messages from her after few we exchanged. I even REALLY talked to her! But I guess I was dreaming or in some strange state! I really don't know! It felt soooo unreal, yet was it real? My phone has these messages still and I have timer of call on it. But I just can't believe it! She actually wanted to speak to me very very very much (in her words). When I seen on whatsapp pics, I knew instantly it's hallucination! It was like most beautiful sight ever seen! And I am fat, lunatic without some teeth. I was shocked, I AM SHOCKED! I took 800mg of Promazine and 4mg of Xanax SR and 20mg of Normabel just to barely fall asleep after 45 minutes after ingesting it. I was SHOCKED! PARALYZED!!! Okay... I did overreact to him and said that it's incarnation of Goddess. I did go psycho really... But MY GOD!!! That was most intense experience I ever had! I never had sex or did drugs, but MAN this WAS LIKE 2POUNDS OF HEROIN!!! I took pills went to sleep and never heard from her again. I just prayed to my brother (to whom I wrote 8 pages panicking and shocking) that it's just hallucination and bad dream and it will go away when I wake up! And really, it was gone. It's like Miss Universe talked to Abomination Universe. I am still in shock! I had tremors and sweating! It was really STRONG experience. He went awol cause I ranted that she is incarnation of Aphrodite and so on... Truth is... IT REALLY WAS REAL!!! But I want to think it wasn't. My phone doesn't lie! If I am crazy, it definitely isn't! Or was it some paranormal occurrence? I freaked out! There it is... two screenshots I took with my phone sitting in memory of my phone. But HOW WHY? I am not insane in that way that I can literally imagine and fake the girl on the phone! But it was insane!
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarbeeMe
If you could possibly turn this anger toward the depression itself. Put this incredible energy you have in a direction toward learning about depression and how these different medicines can react. I know you want to distract yourself from the pain. We are here for that, and can love you through it all. Commiserate with us. I haven't had your exact experiences but have felt obsessive thoughts. Having a place to vent everything was a lifeline for me. Perhaps it can be for you too. [emoji173]
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I have so much erratic emotions... But mostly I am so depressed and sad... I already planned in my google docs in few points how to do and when to do a suicide and what to consider... Cause really... I don't see that even God can help me if he really exists! I feel sooooo soooo horrible... First thing morning tomorrow I am going to my general healthcare doc. To see is it possible I went so nuts with this hormone changes. If not I must hurry the appointment to URGENT with my psych. If neither will or can't help... I see only one option. To die. I feel no love
My hormones... I feel no love! Not in the meaning of sex. I really feel no emotion of love. Like it was laser surgically removed from my brain. My mom tells me she loves me, I just smack the door of my room. My bro tells me he loves me... BUT I FEEL NO LOVE!!! I FEEL DISAPPOINTMENT, PAIN, HOPELESSNESS, SADNESS, URGE TO DIE, TO END THE PAIN!!! I can't find distraction! It plagues me even in dreams! There I had sexual fantasies which I knew were not real! I woke up, I realized I was totally impotent. Not only that... I FORGOT WHAT LOVE FEELS LIKE
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