Hi Thanks for the answers/support

@Pandora I know what you mean, I can't shoot back either, I don't want/need hate in my life, just don't want to be around it...
I don't need their love/approval either but it is still painful, Ill go through guilt, sadness, i'll still wonder if I was wrong, if maybe by chance they didn't MEAN to hurt me, things like that...I also have felt like a coward for not contacting them, i'll go through feeling like that too..so many feelings...i'm pretty sure I can disconnect but I don't know how I will deal with it emotionally