Hello defyinggravity65: Well... you know... every human being on the face of this earth has the feelings you describe! Okay, maybe yours are a bit more intense. I don't know. But almost every human being is secretly jealous of other people's success whether they'll admit to it or not. There are ancient Buddhist techniques designed specifically to address these sorts of thoughts, which tells you how long people have been having these kinds of thoughts & how pervasive they are.

Now... I'm not suggesting you become a Buddhist. But I think the point here is that what you're feeling is nothing to feel ashamed of or embarrassed by. It's simply a part of being human. So my first suggestion is to try to lighten up. Try not to be so hard on yourself. But, if you find you simply cannot resolve this on your own, then talk it through at length with your therapist if you have one. Or seek one out if you don't. The only really bad part of this is how it will affect you if you allow the thoughts you're struggling with to continue to rumble around in your brain without expression. I wish you well...