Still passing the question along for the next person, but answering for me:

Yes, I have hurt without showing compassion, too. This suicidal one now, we have known about her for over 20 years. But it is only these last few weeks that I have connected with her and 'understood her heart'. For a long time we were terrified of her. Then we became eye-rollingly 'tolerant' of her. (That isn't really tolerance, eh.) Both positions still alienated her.
Now we appreciate her. We acknowledge her. And we have such deep compassion for all of the years and years and years of deep dark and lonely depression and suicidal feelings that she took so we didn't have to. That's all she had.
We didn't 'get it' before.