I don't know if anyone will read this, but I'm writing it anyway. Feed back is appreciated, as always.

"But somethings wrong with her, like she wants to see me scared all of the time and in pain." This is what I wrote above and this is how I feel she treats me sometimes. Like she wants to torment me because it's fun and I deserve it anyway. Alright, now hear me out here; this is how I've always felt towards my dad. Always (see the link below to read; it could be triggering, though). I've been obsessed with trying to figure her out. Why she won't let me look at myself in the mirror and makes me feel horrible about when I do. Why she smiles and laughs when she scares me. And why I think she started physically punishing me for talking too much about her or digging into why she's like this (so I know I'm going to get it later for this, I'm already feeling her watch me as I type this). I think she's just a manifestation of this part of my mind. The same part my dad resides and my belief that I deserve everything that's happening to me. I mean, look at the title of this thread. "Journal of the Acquitted", because I have been acquitted for these "crimes" by you all here. Telling me it's not my fault for the things that happened growing up. I'm "acquitted" but I know I'm still guilty, if that makes any sense. I'll probably write this in the bipolar forum also because I know that I am dealing with psychotic features here and I understand that I'm in a place not everybody knows how to interpret.

What do you guys think? If anyone reads this, does this make sense or is this obsession just leading into more delusion?

https://forums.psychcentral.com/surv...%3B-abuse.html