Hello everyone!

Before I get into this, I have to say I have been chatting in chatrooms for many years now, and I have made some wonderful connections over the years, but all have moved on or have disappeared from my life. I have gotten myself involved romantically, sexually, and even met some of these people in real life. As I aged, I became more of a recluse. My bipolar and my weight got out of control and I have struggled these past few years to meet anyone In person. I have however, got engrossed in the online world. It's an addiction and honestly I may have substituted it in place of alcohol. But that's another thread for another section...

Relationships. Hard one. I find myself on a constant search. A need for a deep connection with a man. To find love and romance. But it even isn't all about that, I would like some real life non-romantic friends too. I have tried to go to Meetups at Meetups.com in my area, but they weren't helpful in finding at least some friends to hang out with. I am lonely. I need a network of friends or I need to make some more friends in my life that are not online. I mean it's so bad that I don't even have any online friends except for maybe two. I do however have my best friend who I talk to every night so at least I am not totally alone (I thought I was in love with him but that seems to be a dead end). So, I can't confide in him my sexual feelings, or even bipolar feelings. There are some things some people just don't understand you know? I mean really I thank God for him because I would be much worse off than I am.

I guess what I am saying is I need to DO something. I recently quit my job (my ex-boss was a total jerk), so in between looking for work and trying to keep my disability (I had a review recently, YIKES!), I have been at a loss on how to make friends. I mean even in NYC its hard, even though you wouldn't think it is. I can't go out to Manhattan, (the city causes such anxiety and claustrophobia), but I do have a car so I can go places around where I live..

However, getting me out of the house is another problem. My sleeping is all out of wack and by the time I am completely awoken for the day it's like already 4pm, and over here it's dark by then and I don't really like driving at night. I know, I know more excuses. I mean I know there are easy ways to fix my situation, but I am just STUCK you know? And what's up with me not even being able to have online friends? I mean the only people that seem to reach out to me these days are married men and honestly screw that. I know that may be shutting myself off a bit, and is a little mean, but no thanks.

I guess the best way to get the best advice is to be completely honest. People tend to be self absorbed, (myself included which doesn't help).I have met many wonderful nice people over the years, but its never a conversation about art, history or philosophy. It's "my new Instagram pic," or "look at this cat flushing a toilet." And with men it's "hi" or "you look nice, what do you do for fun?" I feel like i am stuck on repeat with a lot of these people. I can't seem to connect with women or men that have interests in anything other than social media, or politics, or why they hate Trump. Ugh enough of that already.

You ever felt like you were set in your own ways and you want to find people that are like you or at least share the same interests? I guess everyone has that wish. I wish to be intimate again, and fall in love again. I wish to have a group of girlfriends I can have brunch with, (non-alcoholic ones of course, which is a mountain in itself because it seems most women in their 30s around here seems to love that wine a little too much!) I suppose things will change once I find work again, but in the meantime I just wanted to vent and hear of any suggestions you may have. Also, if you want to make an online friend, I'm here

Thanks for reading. Oh and hugs to those that need it.