Hi. I do understand. I spent six years addicted to pain killers and anxiety medications. I smoke too which affects so many people in this world but when you start with one addiction it usually leads to more. When you can't get your "fix" you tend to move to another drug just to get the same feeling. I used to use because it made me motivated and it made me feel comfortable and more outgoing. I understand what you're saying and I think you should look at the worst addiction you have, cocaine, and stop it. Go get help and focus on finding an outlet when things get you really far down. I've never been to rehab but it works for some people. I got off of drugs and drinking by nearly losing my son. There are always ways to get around quitting. That's just a hard truth. You tell yourself that you'll do it better, but you won't. You need to confide in someone. Someone you trust enough to tell you to just stop and who will badger the hell out of you if you screw up. If you feel you do have the strength to not go to rehab do it but if you really feel so out of it that you can't do it alone or with small amount of help, go to rehab. You can do this. I don't know you but I know what you feel and you can do it.