A few facts; dd is 15, socially outgoing, this is a family therapist that she is seeing. Dh was not comfortable with the dating scene and for the first time, we hit a fork in the road with our parenting style. I was willing to allow more freedom, he wanted to protect. Dd was becoming upset with her dad. I felt the conflict between he and I on these issues was adding undue stress on dd, coupled with all the teenage drama teens already experience.
Typical of highschool teens, they try and find the group or crowd to identify with. My dd is outgoing, and was striving to find her place with the IN crowd. Although all groups are fraught with teenage strife, these IN groups seemed to get noticed. I think there is greater chance to get caught up in rumors, gossip, and backstabbing. At least with my dd, she seemed to be in the middle of all that. Because of this kind of group, I knew there were going to be hard lessons for her to learn along the way. Socializing began to become in her main focus. She has always been an A/B student, but two of her subjects dropped to a D and F. Any parent would be concerned with grades like that.
All the above is what lead to her seeing a therapist. My dh had no intention of taking part in therapy. He didn't think it was necessary for she and I either, but he did not voice a concern directly against us not going.
On the first session, my dd and I met with the therapist together. Then the T briefly talked with my dd alone, and then with me alone. T gathered family history and our concerns. She told us together that therapy would be focused on my dd as sometimes teens need a little help in coping with stress, while adults are better able to cope. She let my dd know that at times she may talk with me without my dd present. She did ask me for my concerns and goals I would like to see dd achieve. She mentioned to me that dd is a bit of a drama queen. She said there may be times to call me in again to go over progress. Nearly 7 months went by since that last conversation with the T.
During all this time, I never once have tried to pry from dd what they talk about or gather any information about their sessions. But, after this length of time, and seeing my dd did get her life back on track... I did ask her if she still felt a need to be going there. She is adamant that she does, even though she agreed with me that her life has turned around and goals are met. Even myself and dh are once again on the same page with are parenting. He is more comfortable and relaxed with the dating issues. I think he just needed time in his own development to adjust to the parent of a teen role.
Keep in my mind, dd, the drama queen, and can she ever be a talker. Communicating with others can be a passion of hers. I was beginning to see therapy as recreation for her that she throughly enjoys going to, but is it really necessary? Not to mention the cost is adding up.
I told my dd, that I needed to set some time aside with the therapist to at least disguss her progress. She became defensive that I not do so and thought that I should not be talking at all with her therapist. I reminded dd how in the beginning we were doing just that and even the therapist said she would be calling me in from time to time. When I called to ask the therapist to set aside some time for me, she began sort of fumbling for words and ask me what I wanted to talk about. When I mentioned my dd, she then said well she could not discuss any thing they have talked about because of confidentiality. I explained I understood that, but I was hoping she could discuss progress. That conversation is what led to my first post.
One of my goals as a parent has always been to raise my kids to be independent and self sufficient thinkers. I have not lost site of that goal even through the teen years when other parents want to rein their kids under protection. That need for independence is why I was more allowing in dd freedom than my husband. When dd would want to do something I did not think was best for her. I would always express that it is against my better judgement. We then would be able to reach a compromise that we both could agree on. This kind of communicating has always been a glue to our relationship.
If therapy has branched off into other areas from what orginally brought dd there. The therapist should at least tell me that. I do think the therapist did not need to be so vague. If there are issues she felt she needed to see dd through on, she could have told me that without the specifics. It becomes a red flag with me, that she let so much time go without talking with me, and I had to be the one to approach her. If I thought my dd had some need to be there I would support that, but I think there can come a time when therapy can do more harm than good.