Your child is 9 years old, possibly has an autistic spectrum disorder and she is receiving no professional evaluation/help because her grandmother who licked plates didn't benefit from "shock trearment."

Madam, I hardly know where to begin.

Your sister-in-law and you are diagnosing "arrested mental development." I'm nearly speechless.

Make an appointment and go to your child's school. Advise whom you speak with that you suspect your daughter may have a develpmental disorder. These days, schools can usually help arrange for an appropriate person to interview and evaluate your daughter. Get some informed input from someone outside your sister-in-law.

You do not know that your child has aberrant DNA. Stop making huge assumptions based on family folklore. Obviously, your child has paternal relatives who had serious challenges, the cause of which you know nothing about. No one is going to recommend ECT (shock treatment) for your child. The main treatment intervention is not medication, but behavioral training, which you are not competent to devise. It is not helpful to tell your daughter to "think before you speak, consider how your words impact other people." She is doing the best she knows how. It is not true that she is yearly landing in classes where her female peers are "not good friend material."

Work on changing your own thinking because part of your daughter's problem is that you role model an approach to problem solving that is preposterous. I'm sorry, sunny, but you are scarcely making any coherent sense at all.

Please get some therapy for yourself. You are trying to take a very cerebral approach to helping your child, which you utterly lack the capability to do.

You are not well-informed about developmental difficulties in children or adults. You desperately need help in sorting this out. Stop trying to figure this all out on your own. Though I believe you love her, you are doing your child an enormous disservice.