Is it a conscious decision accompanied by a selfish agenda? Or is it actually just the sickness finally killing us?

Like, is it that we truly don't care what happens after we die to the people we love?

Is it that we care, we'll always care, but the fact remains that we're sick and hurting and feel as though there's truly no hope to ever get better?

Is it actually selfish if you really believe that the only way to get better is through death so that the people around you will heal, as well? If it is selfish, does that even matter? I mean, if you live for everyone else but yourself, you just delivering yourself to depressions hands, yet again. Maybe a little "selfishness" is justified here. Maybe we're sick and hurting and just need to stop being in so much pain.