It sounds like you did so well when you were going to meetings. The portions of your post above show that you learned about gratitude, the powerlessness over people, places & things, etc. I'm just wondering why you don't go back since you were able to stay sober 8 years with the help of AA. Just asking...

My current hero in AA is a woman who lost her husband, her mother after a long illness, her brother, who ODed on heroin, & her dog got run over...All within the space of a year (I know...Hard to believe). She still comes to meetings and has managed to stay sober because of meetings. She always says that meetings give her "a little dose of hope." I don't mean to minimize your issues, but my AA hero demonstrates that sobriety can remain a priority despite adversity, depression & anxiety. I only hope I could stay sober if I someday go through everything she's gone through.

Hang in there...