Sunny, if your child had a broken leg, would you do the best you knew how to set the broken bone. I'm sorry I was blunt, and I surely could have taken a nicer tone. I was wrong. Forgive me, if you can. I don't doubt that you have meant well towards your daughter, but your tears are partly because you do feel uneasy with this do-it-yourself approach that you've been taking, as you are seeing your child flounder more and more.

Now, I'm going to be blunt again. You have absolutely no credentials to be identifying genetic disorders in your husband's bloodline. Your child presented with worrisome signs, or what you thought were worrisome signs, at age 3, and now - 6 years later - you're still kicking this around with your sister-in-law, whom you seem to believe knows more than professionals. All because SIL told you that niece and grandma got bad, or ineffective, treatment.

I heartily commend you for not being willing to follow any doctor's recommendation in robot fashion. But find out what they have to say, first. The behavioral interventions that have proven helpful with children whose socialization is developmentally delayed are normally started well before the age of 9.

You have been trying to diagnose 5 people: niece, grandma, great-grandma, mean kid and your daughter. I don't doubt you've applied your very best and hardest thinking to figure this out. That's what I meant by your cerebral approach. You're trying to think your way through this, when you are no more equipped than I am to do that. You are holding tight to a set of assumptions that may, or may not, have anything to do with your daughter's problem.

Stop it. You're spinning your wheels, getting nowhere, and daughter and you are just getting more stuck in the mud.

That the school has not contacted you to say they think your daughter may have a developmental problem, suggests to me that your daughter's problem may be rather marginal - meaning overcoming it or learning to compensate for it may be very doable, without resorting to draconian measures. A professional evaluator may conclude that your child is not severely handicapped, but more lacking in exposure and experience. Be wary of what you are told. I would be very, very slow to permit medications. Nothing can be given to your child without your permission, as posters above have explained. But get competent people involved. See more than one. Discuss all this in a forthright way with teachers who have had your child in their class. Ask them what they are seeing.

Dry your tears, forgive me if you can and move away from an approach that you've tried and isn't working. Get professional support for your daughter . . . and so it's not all on your shoulders.