This may be odd. I made a promise to myself long ago that I would never commit suicide. I came the closest last year when medicine was messed up. I was exhausted and broken. When they asked me, are you going to hurt yourself? I said that I have promised myself not to do that but if I didn't have that promise made- I would be at that point. Suicide haunted me, stalked me. That experience gave me a whole new understanding and compassion for people who died by suicide before me. My mother tried and I was heart broken.
Now I know the torturous hell that causes suicide. it is selfish to commit suicide, but depression is such a cruel place to be stuck.