My suggestion pertains to the care home. They should be encouraging her to do things for herself rather than doing it for her. This might require some 'tough love' at first. What I am saying is that she needs to be encouraged/learn to be self-sufficient. She needs to learn to rely on herself. An example is she should be expected to be at least present in the dining room when she is fed. Little things like that will spawn bigger feats.

When you see her next ask wo.hat she did for herself that day and try to avoid asking what you can d

I speak from current experience. My boyfriend's daughter is in a rehabilitation hospital right now. She refuses to do anything for herself and refuses to participate - including meal time. She is deteriorating emotionally. But it doesn't have to be that way. If only she would be held accountable and expected to participate.