I haven't posted on here for a while, but those of you that know me, know my past. I won't bore everyone that doesn't with the details (not sure if you can view my past posts) but my narcissistic ex recently messaged me out of the blue to say he was looking through some old photos on his laptop and same across ones from our holiday. He said it made him smile and thanked me for everything. And that he hopes 2017 is treating me well. This was at 2am and when I got the message in the morning I didn't respond. He's text me a few times over the last 6 months and I've just ignored them all. It takes a lot of strength to do that.

It's been about 2 years since we split up and I know you'll all be thinking why the hell do I still care?? Well I often ask myself the same question, but I think it's mostly because I've never found love since and I know I'll remain on my own. I've never had much luck in love and I feel like I'm always the girl that guys use when they are having problems with their wife or girlfriend. They've lied to me about their other half to get attention (as they know I wouldn't go near if they were married or attached) and then when things are better or I want more they drop me like a hot brick. I've been on loads of dates from dating sites, but once again they all lie and it's a never ending pattern. I'm tired of never being good enough for anyone and just something to pass the time.

After my ex sent me that message, I stupidly looked at his profile picture and that lead me to looking on his Facebook. It was full on photos of them together and comments like what a great 2017 it will be because they are getting married this year. I am literally dreading their wedding day. People always used to tell me he was no good and will never commit, so I felt sure this wouldn't last, but it really looks like he's happy and maybe it wasn't him all along and me that's the problem.

I don't wish him an unhappy life, but after everything he's done (cheating on me, drink driving, the list goes on) I don't see how he gets the happy ever after and I get left with depression and wanting to end my life.