I'm just feeling so tired today, I can't get out of this funk. I've been really struggling to pull myself back out of this depression, and I don't even feel like I really want to. It's just a constant battle, spending time to prepare for the worse episodes, then steeling myself to deal with it. Then by the time I recover, it's time to prepare for another episode. I'm so exhausted by it all. I feel like it could be all over at any time now, too. It's like I'm in the final stages of some terminal illness, and I know I'm going to die soon. Or maybe I'm just passively sui and wish it would happen.