I have been isolated at home for three days doing much of nothing. I consciously took sucidal ideation off the table so am preventing my thoughts from going in that direction. But I am depressed about having to go out there and apply for a new job. I really don't know how I did it with this job as I was suicidally depressed when I applied and started training. Of course I didn't talk about my personal struggle at work. I made sure I was always on time and dressed correctly because I know these are signs of not being well. I struggled so hard it was like getting out of bed to go climb a mountain. Now it seems like it was for nothing. I am giving myself one more day of grieving and moping but I will set up a personal schedule to start tomorrow. Without some kind of structure I am doomed.