Hi everyone.

I found this thread and decided to add to it rather than starting my own, because stories here remind me so much of my own mother and our "eternal struggle for control". Apologies in advance for the volume.

First off, my mom is not the only culprit, my dad isn't much better, if not worse. He was a high functioning alcoholic who made life for everyone a living hell, but always excused himself with the fact that he provided well for us. Oh well, that "provision" bought an early grave for my sister. Almost did me in as well, but I escaped at 22.

My mom was an enabler and never stood up for us or herself. She never made enough money and wasn't able to function independently, so that was used as an excuse for letting us suffer.

But on the surface my relationships with parents were pretty good, I think I was suffering from Stockholm syndrome for the most of my life... After all they paid for everything, told me that I wouldn't last a day in the big bad world without them and made sure my self esteem never rose from under the floor boards.

And then, all of a sudden, I got married and moved to another country! I think this move saved my life. I was already suicidal and suffering from crippling anxiety before I met my future husband. But I never really linked that directly to my parents behavior. Of course I knew dad's drinking was horrible, but I came to accept it as a part of life.

When I put some distance between me and the parents I started seeing things in a different light. For example:

I realized that it is not normal to be told basically your whole life that your dad can kill you if he wants, because he gave you life to start with.(Uhm, no? It's actually murder and he would go to prison!) Of course he would always add "just joking" at the end of the sentence, but somehow it didn't help as much as he thought.

Mom tried to persuade me that I was a cripple who couldn't care for herself. She constantly told me how I almost died in childhood and how I had horrible health. I have never been sick after I left her.

She would throw a fit if I tried to cook anything because "I made a mess". But then would complain to everyone that I would die of starvation if not for her.

After I got married my parents started telling me that my husband was going to leave me because I was a bad wife. They didn't live with us, and never talked to him about his standards for a wife, but somehow they knew I was not cutting it. But he never left and after parent lost hope of me returning to them, the attacks became more cruel and sophisticated.

The favorite thing for my mom to attack is my own mothering skills. After my daughter was born she was very displeased with the fact that she was not a sickly child. That I do not need advice on how to bring her back from the brink of death every other month and that I am generally coping well on my own.

If I tried to list all the derogatory remarks she made towards me or my child, I could write and encyclopedia Britannica!

Unfortunately for mom, my daughter has proven sturdy, smart and very well adjusted. This was a horrible thing indeed! Last time when my mom visited she even tried to invent health problems for her, since real ones were in short supply. She told my friend that my kid had a heart defect! NEVER ever was she diagnosed with it, or even had any symptoms, but mom just couldn't cope with a healthy grand daughter for some weird reason.

I haven't seen her or dad for years, but we talk every week. And recently I finally realized that mom was jealous of me and resented every success I had in life. If mom had it her way, I would now be divorced, weighted 300 lb, had a child with all imaginable disorders and lived with her an dad for the rest of my miserable life, so they could suck the rest of my life blood out of me.

It really hurts. Why can't I have parents who love me and want best for me? Why do I deserve it? Not that I am hoping for the answers to these questions, but just writing all of it out makes it better, so thanks for reading!