ARflowerstar, wow I'm stunned by the response of the people around you when you finally spoke up about your suicide plan, particularly the so-called professionals. It's clear from your posts that you're not talking about suicide casually or just for attention.
I hear you. You're in pain. You have been for a long time. You want it to stop. In fact you're willing to do just about anything--including taking your own life--to make it stop.
But I also hear the anger and the passion in your voice and believe it or not, that gives me hope. It means there's still fight left in you. Can you channel that to keep yourself safe? Could you think of keeping yourself alive as the ultimate "giving the finger" to every jerk who didn't listen?
I hope so.
Please let us know how you're doing.