Doesn't sound like a weak foundation TBH, but does sound like you two have an unhealthy dynamic going on.

I tanked my relationship some years back, due to the same dynamic, I also mistook my BF for a therapist, but neither of us were wise enough to see where it was leading. (We got back together tho, and implemented some healthier boundaries)

My point is, you know this is bad for romance (and your sanity) and you're trying to avoid any fall out, which is excellent!

Problem is you cant force her to play ball.

She needs to understand that its not a personal attack, its relationship preservation.

When life is messed up, its really special to have someone who has your back, but its kinda pointless if you're breaking theirs...

How would she respond to the idea of therapy?

Or journaling, blogging?

That way the therapist or the journal gets the movie and you only need to be present for the trailer...

I'm really sorry its been a bumpy ride, I hope she's willing to see reason and help you bring your relationship to a healthier level...