Five days or so till my first followup with the psychiatrist which will hopefully end up with the stabilizer fully into its therapeutic dosage. OTOH, on waking this morning, this "up" pierced through near zero testosterone & estradiol like it wasn't even a factor; aggression and arousal way off the chart for me, even last night's dreams were harsh and vulgar. Fight in my head ensued and I did win after an hour or so, but dang.

I think I'm going to title these three weeks, "why you should go to the hospital when you hit real trouble." Hospital, they'd have hit me up with a full dose of depakote, and sure, I would have spent the day puking and all else, but I wouldn't be standing on the edge of losing myself for weeks on this gentle escalation..

The rational me is very, very tired....
five days...