Hello everyone.
I am rather new to this whole forums thing so please forgive me if i make any mistakes, ill be sure to correct them if pointed out.
Anyway i am 17 years old and am safe to say i have had a pretty rough childhood and just last year due to a sour relationship between me and my father (Whom i was living with because i had been taken off my mother by child and youth protection services) i have moved out and moved into my Girlfriends house, which is actually a nice place. Except i now have terrible anxiety. Going and having dinner is a worry, having to strike up conversation with siblings or parents is difficult for me, and that's just my anxiety. I am going to mention i have been suffering from substance abuse for over a year now also. So it's been about a year or just over since i first recognized my anxiety and just lately i have been noticing new things... Things that i personally feel have always been there, however i never really realized them.
I have been suffering from repetitive actions and words (For some reason can't stop saying the word "No' and "Nah". I put them into my sentences every chance i get, i say them with more expression as if im throwing the word at someone, if that makes any sense. Its very hard to control, like i am okay for say a good fraction of the day, but then i remember and this thought is very hard to forget or get rid of, this thought of saying "nah". It feels as if saying it relieves me for a moment but this thought stays and the urge and temptation comes back almost instantly. This urge is pretty hard to control and it annoys the absolute **** out of my girlfriend which i am ashamed about.. And if it helps i can recall several other situations in my childhood in which i have had these urges controlled by thoughts.
I get intrusive thoughts, sometimes its rather disturbing and i just sit there for a moment and think to myself "what the f**k". It almost feels as if this thought of saying repetitive words is intrusive also.
One more thing i have noticed is my panic from strange and irrational anxious thoughts, say i was in a uncomfortable situation, usually being outside alone at nighttime will set me off, anyway i start looking around anxiously, worrying someone is creeping around and is going to seriously hurt me. I picture scenarios of whatever i am doing, but then something terrible like being killed happening to me, this will send me into a rather bad panic and it's horrible. I know there's nothing to be scared of but i still cant help but panic. In one case i went over to my dads to find him not home, and a window was open so i stuck my head in and looked around, only form of light i had was a phone and then a thought struck me... What if someone pulls me from behind out of the window..What if my dads hiding/ creeping around and have caught me peeping around, and i literally started to panic and went home...
I feel so lost and confused i often drown the pain of my mental problems with painkillers and opiates. I smoke marijuana 3 or 4 days a week also.
Please help me or just give me some suggestions... anything is appreciated really.. :/
Thanks heaps
Nathaniel