My bipolar symptoms began when I was 16/17. I scraped by though. People left me alone because I was supposedly intelligent. I grew up believing I was poor, I still harbour a resentfulness for my mum. That I really need to work on but i would have to speak to therapist without her as i also don't want to upset her. well saying that i cant hate her that much if i care about that. She would buy my brother clothes saying boys needed more .and when my bro got nits she said that i had them too but just the eggs just so her blue eyed boy wasn't victimised, of course its impossible to have just had eggs without insects and i knew she lied and it was an awful thing to do to me.
When i got school reports they would pick out the bad parts, and use them as ammunition. Oh your so brainy you can figure out how to get a new school jumper etc. You think your so perfect (i was a straight a student) they never praised me, never got pocket money and only enough lunch money for two days. My mum laughed at me when i said i wanted to be a teacher.
We went on one sunny holiday and my mum got so drunk and yelled at me non stop for not being grateful and a Glaswegian came upstairs and told her to leave me alone and hit her with a baseball bat!
My next door neighbour would come in asking if we wanted anything from macdonalds and my mum would say i didn't deserve anything and get herself a large banana milkshake.
She never stuck up for me when i fell out with a friend and her mum phoned. She said i was for certain no angel and it was prob all me. I wasn't a trouble maker, i was really quiet.
I guess i better mention my step dad. Well he treated me and my brother the same. But he could be an ***. He was beyond strict, and woukld hit us and had a short temper. He was self centred. But its my mum who hurt me more, she was never supportive, or there for me.
When i fell ill at eighteen do you know what he said?? He said it was a shame i hadn't got ill sooner, at least my we could have put her into care! He didn't think people who went to psyche wards ever got better, how ignorant. He also said while drunk that in hospital i reminded him of a "pitiful" excuse for a human being. But ive found a way to forgive him, but not my mum i don't know.
She always told me to ask my unemployed dad for things when i needed them (a schoolbag, trainers, etc.) he obviously had no money! It was such a humiliating ritual. In high school she gave me ten pounds to buy uniform. So i ended up with couple of tea shirts n old gear, that's about all i got in an entire year.
Once my real dad realised i wasn't going to be a scientist he couldn't give a flying monkeys about me. I was an intelligent kid and i was expected to do well. My mums like, its no wonder he doesn't want to know theres something wrong with her now. Treating me like a defective piece of machinery

okay i need a breather