I was referred by my gp to call a therapy group here in the local area, after I told him about feeling anxious, stressed and down all the time, and feeling fed up, of life, working on the family farm, which I forced myself to like because they want me to, even though inside, I don't find farming interesting, it's quite different in the hills of Wales..and being a socially awkward person that's easy to make fun of and take advantage of throughout my life.

*But I never feel ready to do it, it's been stuck in my mind for months. When I think about it I feel fine. The sunny weather seems to improve my mood too. I just don't feel ready to open up, and it's like I feel comfortable in my comfort zone.

I'm going to Philippines for 3 weeks, at the end of next month, because my mom wanted company going there and it's my cousin's wedding....and the weirdo is invited (me). So I get this thoughts, I'm probably too late for therapy.

When I'm there my social anxiety and awkwardness is bad, certain situations make me go blush and anxious, although I'm always quiet, I do talk, but it's small talk, voice going low or they cant undrstand me and getting socially confused, and sometimes crying sensations and facial twitching, especially with cameras. I don't react to being starred at, but it feels awkward too.

I don't know why I booked it, or decided to go too. I just felt trapped here and wanted to go out, try again thinking I'll go to therapy soon and I'll be ok when I'm there.....

*But that confident person in my head is not there when it comes to reality. I think I can do things, but can't, I know what to say, but it's not all black and white.

When I think of therapy I feel awkward with all the things in my head, it's not really one or two problems and behaviours. And I feel really shy and embarrassed that I'm feeling sorry for myself as some would describe it. And don't know what to say when I first call for one.

*I don't feel really bad now, I'm not sad or stressed now,* my heart palpitations, shakiness and cycle of stress illness stress have reduced.
*In fact I'm getting these strange feelings, like excited about nothing, like a tickle in my chest sensation at times.
I always feel in my mind I get rid of my anxiety and be a more confident with life and change without help.

*My dad would probably laugh if he heard I was depressed or stressed, I haven't got a reason to be I guess.... I'm not the one dealing with all the boring paper work, costs bills, worrying about the animals, old age etc. Like him...I just help, and do what needs doing...