Just wanted to say that I worry about all this too. (Especially with T sort of removing e-mail for a bit). I told MC a while back that I was worried about it because of stuff I'd read on here. He told me that he really wished I didn't read these forums so much because they put worries like that in my head (and I already have plenty of worries!).

I guess one sort of boundary that MC changed was when I first started talking to him about the transference over a year ago, we had a couple individual sessions so I could talk to him without the awkwardness of H being there. At the end of the second session, he told me his door was always open to me, meaning like for future individual sessions. When I requested one a few months later, because I was struggling with transference stuff again, he told me no. We had a very difficult phone call about it, where he seemed to be rather harsh toward me, as I was sobbing. It felt like he'd given me this sense of security by offering me something, then took it away.

We discussed it a bit for the next few joint sessions, though I was tempted not to go back. I tried to press him on why he'd changed his mind, and he would say vague things like, "My opinion just changed." Which...that just made me wonder what else he'd change. And he never actually apologized, which was bothering me, because he's usually very quick to apologize for things. He finally, after several weeks, said that he never should have offered me future individual sessions in the first place. That as soon as he said it, he realized he'd made a mistake (both because he was concerned it would interfere with marriage counseling and with my individual counseling with T). That was what I needed to hear (still not sure if he apologized), and things improved after that.

Quick addendum--he is still opposed to any individual session with me, but is fine with phone calls, e-mails, and texts from me. And has said we can discuss anything in joint session, including my transference.