So first time therapy last Friday. Maybe last time.

I went to see this lady who has supposedly been doing this for 20 years and specializes in trauma and depression. She went through a checklist asking me questions and I ended up divulging more than I wanted to on the first session. The questions just made me so emotional because no one has ever asked me those things. I'm a bad liar and couldn't hide it.

Anyways, first she proceed to tell me my past psychiatrist was a liar and that I didn't have adhd. Even though my medication has worked wonders in my life. I go to a general practioner to manage my medication because I had some bad side effects with one in particular and my vitals had to be taken more often. I choose to see this doctor to make sure I didn't have damaging blood pressure. Anyways the therapist told me it was wrong to go to a general practioner, they don't know anything and that I was addicted to my medication. She only said this after she asked me if there was a history of drug abuse in my family. She talked over me when I tried to tell her all the benefits of my adhd meds.

Anyways ....it gets worse. So after divulging more than I should have and crying. She tells me "horrible things happened to you and you should go to a psychiatric hospital and admit yourself. These are awful things." she continued to tell me over and over again how bad my life was. Like I know... Why are you grinding this in my head. I told her I couldn't afford a hospital and be in debt. And she basically said she "couldn't" help me even after I told her all I wanted was to talk to someone who would listen she kept pushing meds on me and I told her I didn't want to take any yet. I wanted to work through therapy first.

Anyways, I don't know if she was rude to me because my insurance has a special mental health program where your first 3 sessions are free. Idk if she gets a smaller cut and doesn't wanna deal with me, but she made me feel awful. Telling me I was a drug seeker, reminding me over and over how bad my life was, not wanting to work on therapy with me.

I left feeling suicidal honestly. I told my boyfriend about it and he was furious. I have depended on him so much for emotional support. I wanted to ease some of that by talking to a therapist. Now I'm officially terrified of finding someone else. I'm so scared and i have a horrible outlook on the whole thing. I have seen many types of doctors and they all seem uncaring. This was no different.

So how do I get over this? What should I do if I don't want therapy? Because I don't think I could get myself to make another appointment elsewhere. I don't trust people.