I understand perfectly about non-physical abuse... The ideas that parents put into your head are indeed damaging. They are what makes us who we are today.
It took me much longer than you to connect my dots. I applaud you for figuring it out and, so, making steps to overcome it.

You're doing an amazing job at looking at your life with compassion and objectivity.

This last relationship you were in seems to have served as your life changing event....