I feel like it has been forever since I have last seen him. Last session was horrible. This week I have gone from hating his guts and wanting to terminate to just wanting to be in his presence so badly.

I wrote some letters this week. One of them talks about the erotic transference and the sexual attraction stuff. I wrote about some of the reasons as to why I think that occurs. I don't know if I can embarrass myself that much, but on the other hand, I'm thinking.... why stop now??

I think this session might be very painful for me based on what happened last week. Plus, there has been a lot of other stuff during the week-- finding out about "memories" that I cannot recollect, lots of SI, lots of anxiety and depression, etc. I told myself that I was not going to trust him. That I wasn't going to allow myself to feel close to him anymore. So why do I just want to melt into his lap?