I think we know...Sorry you are thinking about so much heavy stuff lately. When I read the link 4 Deep Practices*For Clearing Emotional Blockages And Harnessing The Power Of Your Subconscious Mind - Dreamcatcher Reality (provided in hippiebea's thread), it did talk about how you have to fully experience past negative emotions (obviously over and over for you) in order to heal from them. I think you have been doing that a lot lately and I hope it helps. (and I hope you get some medication relief as well--that helps too) Thinking of you during this very rough time.